Rememebering that i will be dead soon, thus chasing my dream

A year ago, I applied for a scholarship to one of the most developed nations of our time-South Korea. All I wanted was to come here and do electrical engineering. it didn't matter even for a second that I was leaving my family behind, or my friends, or everything I have ever known for a better chance of achieving my dream. on this day I lie on my bed during one of my numerous sleepless nights, wondering how I made it here, how I even qualified, how I studied through elementary school, primary school, and secondary school and even though I failed at numerous points along the way I still got here. I keep wondering, what is it that makes me special, why wasn't one of those rich kids, or beautiful girls, or the popular handsome boys that made it here..,

even though I might have not realized it then, I am here because I knew what I wanted, I am simply here because I choose to be here- and no it wasn't easy or else every one you and I know would be here. it was hard, sleepless nights, class every day, giving up things like my high school seniors prom because I couldn't make time to go find a girl. I prayed, I fasted , I kept going- but now I lay here, disappointed in myself, wondering whether I should quit, wondering whether I should walk away from this heat, change myself for those who hate me, try to make people love me, follow every other person's voice but not my own...pretty angry with myself  but after days of continuous meditation, I figure it out.

when I was I language school, I teacher I liked so much, a man who believed in me; told me after one of my presentations in my imperfect Korean that I was going to be successful because I knew what I wanted. the only reason I am not in jail, the only reason I am not a drug addict today, the only reason I am probably not yet dead is that I have a dream, is because I hope in the future, it is because I plan for it, and give it my all. they used to ask kids in my class years ago what they wanted to be, and more than half of them didn't even know- and yet there I was 7 years old, telling everyone who cared to listen- that I wanted to be an engineer; why that is so, I can't even figure out, maybe it was because one of the people in  my neighbourhood was an engineer and looked to be having a great life, I do not know.

however i just wanted to be that, and so far so good. i watch videos on you tube, i read speeches of men that i admire and i listen to the preachers of the gospel- once in  awhile.
you see, the bible says that without vision, people perish, without hope of where they want to be, without a sense of direction, it doesn't matter whether it is to the north or the south, east or west, you have to be heading somewhere, or the bicycle of life you a seated on falls down with you on it,

great companies are built around great ideas and visions, everything wonderful that you will ever see, exists because the builder had a vision- he or she had a dream.

I am just twenty years today, but am glad to learn that one day I will be dead. steve jobs once said that remembering that you would be dead is one of the single best tools I have encountered in my life because everything falls away in the face of death- all fear, all rejection, all failure, all success, all expectation; it all just fades to nothing.

so you do not have to worry about whether you fail today, whether someone doesn't like you, whether things are not working out, because once you are dead- it all doesn't matter anymore.

so choose today what you want to be, you do not need to be rich, tall, handsome, whatever- just choose, and then just become. I watch Elon musk today and every day; and I tell myself that one day I am going to be like this guy, one day I am going to be like Mark Zuckerberg, like Jeff Bezos- I am going to be an engineer, an entrepreneur and i am going to change the world, doing meaningful work for the good of all humanity. and no one has to pay me to get this done, they do not even have to believe in me, or support me, and it does not matter whether I fail at or succeed at one go, I am just going to do it.

everything that I have done in my life; good or bad, has led me to be writing this blog this morning, I didn't know I would even be awake this morning because I woke up just an hour ago only 3 hours after I had just gone to bed. but the mere fact that I am here doing this is how I know that somehow everything I am doing right now is going to lead to me achieving this dream of mine.

I have chosen to be something, other than nothing, to be extraordinary other than normal, to be weird other than accepted, because at the time of my death, it all won't matter anyway- I will wake up after just 3 hours of sleep even though people do not do this by convention, I will read every book I have to read, I will go to every place I will have to go to, but i won't live my life as a product of human conventional behaviour and thinking, I will do only that, that I want to do and that I deem meaningful to my journey of changing this world, of making my mark, of making my impact-  and my prayer this morning is that good helps me remember this and gives me and everyone the courage and strength to face whatever I going to come our way on our path to achieving greatness.
you are just what you to choose to be!